Why going back to church is hard

It’s no secret that we’ve hardly been to church for the last year or so. There have been a whole succession of reasons for this, there’s no one single cause. For instance, our car has decided to object to the cold weather. But even if it didn’t, Sally seems to be working most Sundays and it can take both of us to deal with E at church sometimes. And this period of absence began with both of us suffering health problems, which are not yet resolved. When we have been able to join in worship, it’s not always been at our own church, which means that we’ve seen very little of our Christian family.

But why does it mean that? How come in our time of need we’ve been so alone? The truth of the matter is it feels like we’ve fallen off the radar. I think it’s an unfortunate effect of being part of a community that is quite transient; students come and go, people dip in and out of services, and you don’t necessarily see the same people from week to week.

But I’m not a transient person. Ever since childhood I’ve been an active member of whichever church I’ve attended. This is the first time I’ve been forced to step back and take a break, and I’m not at all happy about it. But if that’s hard to swallow, the isolation has been much harder.

You see, when you’re an active Christian, a large portion of your social circle comprises other active Christians. The time you spend at church is time you’re not spending “having fun”. So you naturally form close bonds with the people you are in a team with, or in a cell with, etc. You share jokes, concerns, fears, secrets, hugs. A drink. Maybe a kiss. I met my wife at church. Of course you have other friends, but church people form a massive part of your life. When you struggle to make friends as I do, the ones you have are very precious.

So it’s been disappointing (I’ve used that word a lot recently) to find us left out of the loop. I don’t know a huge amount about what’s been happening at church while we’ve not been there. Nobody has come to visit (apart from family). We’ve barely had any phone calls (not that I like them anyway, but that’s not the point). If I wasn’t on Facebook, our separation from that reality would have been complete.

I wanted to get to the AGM this Sunday, but it looks like Sally’s work isn’t going to let me. In all honesty though, the thought of stepping through those doors fills me with dread. I want to go back. I’m a member, this is where I was finally baptised, this is where I was prepared to stand up and say so when I felt things were not going in the right direction. This is my home. And yet, I’ll walk in, and the thought on my mind is going to be: Where have you been?

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