Social Skills 0 – Self Pity 1
22 February 2010
This evening I managed to upset somebody I really care about. I made a joke which, it turns out, wasn’t funny. Worse still, I did so publicly. I don’t want to get bogged down with excuses about my mind being wired in a certain way and having relatively low social intelligence for someone of high IQ; at the end of the day I’m 30 years old, and I feel about 13. I don’t understand why I haven’t learnt the lessons of all the previous situations where I’ve made similar mistakes, and I feel like a complete idiot.
It’s no wonder really that I’m relatively lonely. Much more surprising is that anyone ever agreed to marry me and settle down ’til death us do part. I want to come out and say that Sally is the best thing that ever happened to me, and regardless of any disagreements we may have I see the future involving her all the way into old age. She’s the person God decided I should be with and I am wholly convinced that He knows what he’s doing – and I love her, more than I can ever describe.
But the friends I do have are also really important to me. Time after time I’ve said something which was simply intended to let someone know how much they mean to me, and I’ve gone and cocked it up and made things awkward. I realise that most people don’t need to know that, to me, they are an indispensable part of my life. I realise that most people are only used to hearing that from people they’re intimately close to, and that the English language doesn’t have an easy way to express such feelings towards a mere friend. And I realise that I have no comprehension of how people interpret my comments until some time after I’ve made them. I just wish I knew when to say something and when to STFU.
If you’re one of the people I’ve managed to upset, whether recently or further back, I’m really sorry. I’ve never wanted to hurt anybody, ever. I think, maybe, the best adjective to describe me in pretty much any situation is: inappropriate. :(
